My Body, My Soul (Part II)

Before my long hiatus away from blogging, my Uncle Joel left a very thought provoking post that I have wanted to respond to and since I’ve just written one blog I consider myself on a roll and may as well write another one….

The nature of his complaint was this: ‘I do not understand why God gave us a mind and a body and somehow he wants us to use the mind but hide the body. It almost seems to be sacrilegious not to appreciate such a gift that he gave to us.’

This was an enormous issue for me when I first entered into the religious world. I was overwhelmed by the lack of skin, the abundance of black, and the inherent de-individualization in the dress of some religious women. I was worried and confused and my feminist alarm bells were constantly ringing in my ears. So I understand this question in a very real way and it's something I've had to deal with, and am still dealing with every day. But as my time here has increased, so has my understanding and respect for the depth of the idea of modesty in Judaism. I hope this can help you to at least begin to understand my change in perspective...

First I would like to point out a very interesting overlook in my uncle’s theory of what God gave us. Since he stated that “God” gave us something at all, I’m going to assume that he believes in God, at least in some way, shape, or form (anthropomorphically of course, since God doesn’t have a literal form). With this foundational step in place, I would like to propose that God did not only give us a mind and a body, but a soul as well, what Jews term a neshama. If you read the beginning of Genesis you will see that on the first day of Creation God created light, yet it was not until the fourth day that He created the luminaries (sun, moon, stars). What would this ‘light’ be, then? It is not a light that we know of, because for us there is no other light besides the luminaries (and light bulbs weren’t invented yet). Our sages explain that this first light was a light that gave us a complete perception of the world. It was a light that allowed for Adam and Eve to be around each other naked at first in the Garden of Eden, because it was a light of Truth. Their bodies were not sexualized because this light allowed Adam to see Eve’s neshama, her soul, which greatly overpowered her physical beauty (and the same goes for Eve’s view of Adam). It was this original perspective, this ability to perceive the spiritual as clearly, if not moreso, than the physical that changed once Adam and Eve ate from the tree. As soon as they ate from the tree they ‘recognized’ that they were naked and they covered themselves. The infinite light left, and it became hidden inside of everything and everyone. It still exists, it is just a hidden and fragmented light that needs to be cultivated and tuned into. It is our neshama.

One of the main movements of Judaism has become this idea of “tikkun olam” which brings these sparks of that original light and gathers them to make them whole again. Some Jews do this through doing community service, other by doing mitzvot (commandments, of which there are 613…it’s a long story that maybe I’ll explain another time.) But anyway, once Adam and Eve ate of the tree and lost their ability to see each others’ neshamas, they only saw each other’s bodies and this physical relationship between them created a lust and desire that was not as pure and holy as the one that they had for each other when they could perceive the true person as opposed to being limited by their physicality. And man’s ability to see a woman’s neshama over the past few thousand years has not progressed very much. In fact, I think it would even be fair to say that it has taken a nosedive.

Ours is a culture where women’s bodies are splashed all over the place. We see beautiful, scantily clad women next to car ads, perfume ads, movies, music videos, magazines, even a lot of clothing ads have models….not wearing clothing. It’s a culture where ‘sex sells’. It’s not a big deal to see a woman wearing a bikini on the beach. It has cultivated fear in any woman with an ‘imperfect figure’ or over 25. Before I left for Israel I remember walking past a window of a cosmetics store that proclaimed, “Join us in the WAR against aging!” We’re at war with aging? What about terrorism? Joblessness? Better education for children? What a relief all of our money is going into cosmetics and wrinkle releaser instead of something as trite as global warming or battered women’s shelters. Our society is sick. I know some people who are incapable of leaving home without makeup on. And I don’t blame them. It’s a cruel world out there. People will judge you. You have to look older if you’re young and younger if you’re older.

The porn industry is a multi-billion dollar industry. It proclaims that sex is not an intimate act between two exclusive, loving individuals with souls and a connection between those souls. It is a circus with props and lights and fetishes. Sex is a joke. It’s something that people can talk about openly in public. It’s more likely that you’ll hear a college freshman talking about how much sex she had last weekend than what her chemistry homework was about, or even what she bought at the mall the other day.

As you can probably tell, I could go on forever.

So, to answer the question, I think it would be a very nice thing for us to all put our bodies in storage for a while and get back in tune with our souls, ourselves. And I think it’s so interesting that my uncle neglected to mention the soul. It makes sense. We have become so inundated in our bodies, and the really ‘smart’ ones have at least gotten some mileage out of their minds, but the point is we are so much more than our bodies and our intellects. We have an essence. We have a soul. It’s more than a personality, our IQ, or our hobbies. It’s what makes us tick, our ability to love and give and be kind. It’s the part of us that is closest to God. And in this day and age it is almost impossible to even REMEMBER that our soul even exists.

So the Jewish answer is to cover up our bodies. Not completely, but by the standards of our generation, a lot. It’s not fool proof. There are still women with body issues and there are still men who lust after women, no matter what they wear. But it’s a method of defense. It’s also an expression of self-worth. The things we value in Judaism are the things that we cover up. Our holiest object, the Torah, if you’ve ever seen one in a synagogue, is clothed in layers of cloth and silver, hidden away in a sacred space. We live in homes that cover us and we put everything that is important to us, both the people and the physical belongings, into them. The High Priests in the Temple 2000 years ago were given linen pants to wear under their robes so as not to risk uncovering themselves to the stone that was beneath their feet as they walked. To cover something is to give it honor and power, worth and reverence. To cover something is not to hide it away because it is wrong or bad, it is a recognition of its holiness, a recognition that there is good and truth and beauty that is beyond the physicality of the being. And by covering something or someone up, it makes it just that much easier to recognize that the thing you’re looking at is precious, that the person you’re looking at is not just a body, but a soul. And for me, it is not just about the other people looking at me. It has forced me to conceive of myself, of who I am, in a completely different way. When I wear more clothing I have to feel confident that I have something else to offer besides my body. I need to let go of my need to be thought of as beautiful in order to be worthwhile or important. I need to have faith that the person I will end up with will not want to be with me because I have the right waist to hip ratio. I want him to be with me because I am a woman who is complex and beautiful and full of fire, not just physically, but in the deepest part of my being. And I want him to see that before he sees the outside.

The body is a beautiful and miraculous creation. It is not something to be covered through hate or disdain, in order to smother or belittle, and it is also not something to be revealed in order to excite or satisfy just anyone. Both of these extremes demolish the intention and power that the body exemplifies. But the body is not everything. It is not our essence, it is not who we are. And when we allow other people to think that, and even worse when we allow ourselves to think that, we are cutting ourselves off from the infinite potential and light that we each have inside of us. We are limiting ourselves to what we can see and feel. We are disconnecting ourselves from God, from the godliness inside of us. And that, Uncle Joel, is sacreligious.

Mirrors and Windows

Hello again. I know it’s been a very long time since I last wrote. Much has happened, the most dramatic of course being the war. I’m wary of writing about it for many reasons, one definitely being that I have never liked controversy and another being that I am still digesting what happened here, and what has consequently happened (and is continuing to unfold) the whole world over in terms of the overt and widespread acts of anti-semitic hatred that make me feel oddly secure being in Israel as opposed to anywhere else.

Through this process of war and the world’s outcry against it, I have found Israel to be strong (albeit flawed, just as any country or people), and its people even stronger. It is not a strength of gun power or nuclear power, but of peoplehood, of resilience and bravery and hope. I was deeply afraid at times for many different reasons. During that war I had to come to terms with what it is that I believe about this world and who runs it, and I also had to contend with feelings of isolation from those at home who couldn’t be expected to understand my perspective and the Jewish people’s perspective. The deaths of the innocent on all sides were painful while the stories of miracles granted to soldiers and settlers uplifting. It was alienating, and it was unifying. It’s a perfect case study of what I learned in religious studies and in psychology, how the human mind not only loves to define itself as something, it also seeks to be “not” something. Not racist, not American, not Jewish, not Muslim, not one of ‘them,’ whoever ‘they’ may be. And many people all over the world have decided that the Jews are the people not to be. Ironically enough (or maybe not), through the same situation, my recognition and feeling of belonging with this people has increased, and my feelings of gratitude and faithfulness to God have also expanded beyond measure.

As a result, over the past few months I have done of reflecting on the concept of perspective, of what it means to be ‘global,’ or ‘objective,’ and the world’s apparent ability to simplify a situation that is anything but simple into clear-cut ideologies of good and evil, right and wrong.

A major tenant of Judaism is that even the most positive of actions has negative repercussions, and the most evil has positive ones. Ours is a world where every word, thought, and action is powerful, a mix of good and bad. When Adam and Eve ate from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, they were putting into the world a force that was much harder to conceive of than clear true or false. They were adding a new element to the world. It has formerly been Good, ultimate and absolute, at all times. Everything was pure, unblemished, without discrepancies. And by eating of that fruit (not an apple, I’ll have you know), that simplicity left. Duality arrived, with it coming all of the issues of choice, including the knowledge that no choice is completely good or evil. Even the ‘right’ choice has bad side effects, even the ‘wrong’ one can bring us to the place we need to be or teaches us lessons we must learn. And thus, this world where we do our best to simplify, to categorize things or people into ‘good’ or ‘evil,’ ‘right’ or ‘wrong.’ Everyone suddenly has a scale for deciding such things, a way of deducing who is better or worse through numbers of dead, years of suffering, types of suffering, numbers of missiles or rockets or dollars. We try to quantify what peace of mind is worth, what peace is worth through these inaccurate and flawed statistics. We see the humanity of one side at the expense of the dehumanization of the other side. We sympathize with one and therefore must demonize the other. And then we are left broken, hurt, and full of hate. And then we tell each other that we are ‘so much more civilized’ than the ones who we are ‘not.’ We nurse the wounds of our egos instead of those of our people and the world. We breed more hatred, we come up with more numbers to prove ourselves right, and we go on with our lives.

My Rabbi once asked me a question. When you read a book or hear an idea, do you want to see a mirror or a window? It is easiest for us to see mirrors. When someone agrees with us we feel vindicated, assured in our convictions. We see ourselves in them and feel comforted that we are smart, worthwhile, ‘Good.’ And then there are windows. We can only see windows when we can first be humble and say “I don’t know.” We don’t need to put our two cents in, to show ourselves how smart we are and then pat ourselves on the backs and call it a day. We see what is harder to see, because it is not ourselves. It’s not what we learned in school, what we heard on the news. It transcends ‘good’ and ‘evil.’ It is the human condition. A complex, intricate system of weighing positives and negatives, trying to devise systems of quality and quantity that will give us the final answer so that we may be ‘right’ and ‘good’ and ‘just,’ and then we can sleep well at night.

During the war I couldn’t sleep well some nights. I remember going to bed crying one night because I was recognizing how vulnerable we all are at every moment. And I am so grateful for that night. Because when you cry, when you give up on the numbers and the politics and the sides and you just cry for humanity and for your people and for yourself because there is nothing else to do, then you can truly appreciate life. And God. Because what is life if this world is all that there is? If we have no obligations except for the ones our small brains can create? And what is war if there is nothing True to fight for, to live for, and sometimes to die for? We all have our own Truths that more times than not come into serious conflict with everyone else’s, and I truly believe that we will all kill each other if we all live by those alone. If logic is all we have, if it is our academically proven, socially accepted, double-blind tested, FDA approved, scale that we use to measure right from wrong, we are JUST as fanatic as the most fundamentalist of Jews and Muslims and Christians.

So what do we do? I don’t know. What I have realized since starting to create a relationship with God is how truly egotistical we are. We think that we can reason and rationalize anything, that we can figure out Truth. My dad loves the quote that “If the human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we couldn’t understand it.” It is the same with our world. We do our best to contain it with our minds. We devise equations and write treatises, make laws and conjure systems of morality. We define ‘Justice’ and if the God we or our parents subscribe to doesn’t live up to this system, we impose it for Him, or get rid of Him all together. Because we are Individuals, Existentialists, we are in control of our minds and our hearts and our actions and our destinies. And that’s all well and good until someone we love becomes sick, until our system of justice differs from that of another person or people, until the realities of the world come face to face with what we want the world to be. And then either we just say the world is cruel and we make our own rules to make meaning in our lives in any way we can, we give up and turn to the nihilists, or we recognize that maybe we don’t know everything. If we look at the world and we just see the realm of man, the mirror of ourselves, then I fear that there is not much that can be done. Our subjective theistic and non-theistic ‘Truths’ will always clash. But if we can shatter the mirror and create a window, if we can see that there is something beyond ourselves here, our existence has the capacity to be more than just a parenthesis in eternity. And I think there is great hope in that.